U.S. - The nation's liberals were struck by a devastating blow this week after finding out a hate crime didn't actually happen.

"I needed this to be true," said liberal columnist Hanna Spalding. "When I first heard the news of this attack, I was filled with so much hope. I felt so validated. Then that was taken away. Now I just want to cry into my pillow."

The victim was unfortunately stripped of his victim status. One progressive activist became particularly irate, calling the police who investigated the hate crime and yelling "Check it again! CHECK IT AGAIN!"

After some deep breathing exercises, the progressive spoke with reporters. "How are we supposed to intentionally turn the nation against each other and exploit these divisions for political power if people won't commit a simple h

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