KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was found dead today after his fiancée Taylor Swift accidentally left him in her sweltering hot private jet shortly after they announced their plans to be married, NFL sources confirmed.

“I told Travis not to fool around with those gatdang private jets, I never liked that the windows don’t roll down, and he always got tangled up in the seat belts! Oh this is all my fault, I saw him banging on the windows but I thought he was just foolin’ around playing peek-a-boo,” sobbed brother Jason Kelce. “We can’t even have an open casket ’cause he got all cooked up and exploded like a hot dog roasting over a campfire. Why God, why do bad things happen to good people, and not monsters like Deshaun Watson or the Jaguar’s mascot?”

Swift’s pu

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