Why My Mama Doesn't Eat at Thanksgiving

Key points

Black women's service to others often becomes survival mode, leaving no space for self-care or grief.

When caregiving defines you for years, losing that role can feel like losing yourself entirely.

The holidays amplify grief and burnout by demanding performance when Black women need rest most.

Choosing yourself during holidays isn't selfish. It's an act of self-love that breaks generational patterns.

Growing up, what did I love about the holidays? My mama's cooking.

Lord knows that woman was a godsend to my brother, my father, myself, and our entire community. She could cook anything known to man. To this day, I could slip into a food coma just thinking about her smothered turkey wings. Jesus.

But you know what memory I don't have?

My mother eating.

She cooked. She se