YOU’VE put in the hours, done the groundwork and become a member of Britain’s professional class. But are you a twat accountant, arsehole doctor or wanker journalist?

Knobhead solicitor

You got a law degree but didn’t put in the effort to be a barrister with a wig and instead settled for a long, lucrative career half-heartedly dealing with house purchases. Whether not bothering telling anyone you haven’t received the paperwork, receiving the paperwork and doing nothing with it or not answering the phone, you’ve inconvenienced so many.

Twat accountant

‘I can add up,’ you realised, and your career plans ended there. Setting up a little shop, you unenthusiastically do the accounts of the self-employed, safe in the knowledge that if the taxman comes for them all you did was advise so won’t

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