Are They Narcissistic or Just Difficult?

Key points

Narcissism includes quiet forms that look kind yet erode empathy and accountability.

Look for clusters over time; patterns, not one-offs, signal a problem that needs limits.

Boundaries test reality: healthy partners adjust, narcissistic styles escalate or deflect.

Document events, avoid triangulation, and keep supports to prevent isolation and fog.

Many people picture narcissism as the big, obvious performance: arrogant, domineering, allergic to criticism. That version exists, grandiose and malignant narcissism are real and easy to spot. But quieter variants do as much damage precisely because they present as reasonable or even generous. Think the intellectual or morally self-righteous type who is “always right,” the “nice” or benign style that stays pleasant while never do