Volusia County deputies have seen some s—t, man. It’s the county home to the drunken redneck mecca that is Daytona Beach. But even they didn’t seem prepared for a dazed and bloodied man insisting that he had “teleported” into a flaming BMW convertible.

As reported by Fox 35 Orlando, deputies say the adventure began at Bicentennial Park in Ormond Beach, where a man walking his dog left his BMW unlocked, with the keys tucked in a cup holder. He might as well have hung a little rickety wooden sign with some letters scrawled on it and dripping red paint that said “FREE CAR.”

A witness told investigators he saw a confused-looking man asking strangers for a lighter before slipping into the Beemer. That man, deputies say, was 36-year-old Calvin Curtis Johnson, who allegedly believed the univers

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