SEX is widely regarded as extremely enjoyable, unless it’s with you. In which case these activities are suddenly much more appealing:

Cleaning the bathroom

Usually, the carnal joy of physical human intimacy outstrips the drudgery of bleaching the toilet. But when your O-face becomes part of the equation, that changes. Vigorously scraping mould from the grout not only works up a sweat, it comes with an actual payoff. You can even pop on a pair of Marigolds if you’re feeling kinky.

Visiting the dentist

Trips to the mouth doctor are dreaded. The discomfort of a stranger rootling around in your mouth with a little mirror while jabbing your gums, and the indignity of being handed a bill for the ordeal? Ugh. Compared to the prospect of shagging you though, even an extraction is preferable. I

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